I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
