Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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