I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
