I want to make a zoo with you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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