He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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