My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
