Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
