so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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