There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
