We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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