I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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