Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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