I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
