This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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