All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
