let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
