Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize