I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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