a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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