Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
