how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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