Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
