I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize