I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
A+ Viking dick
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