This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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