He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
