She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Someone came in the potted fern
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
