I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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