Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
