We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
