Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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