Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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