My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
