So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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