She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
