We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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