11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
