1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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