everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize