I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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