you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
