Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
