He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
