honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
