My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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