am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
