Small penises have feelings too.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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