Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
