We're facebook friends in real life
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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