She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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