You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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