dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
