How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
