the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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