yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I got chris browned last night
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
