I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
