where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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