i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
