so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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