i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Two words: blizzard sex
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
