Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
