Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
