Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
