Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize