It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
