i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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