He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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