Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
