Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
