So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
God I need to hump something, right now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
