Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
