Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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